All the Little Things

       For once I dont have too many thoughts going through my head. I finally got some closer on a mess of a situation. I dont really know why I did that to myself but in the end it turned out to be a present wrapped in a big ass bow. Some people come in your life to show you what you dont want. I must say that this person came into my life and showed me all the things I dont want and now I know what I want. It's sad but also eye opening and I am grateful for that.       I think that figuring out what you want out of your partner was always a hard thing for me to understand because I always thought I wasn't accepting of people if I didn't like what they did. I realized that people can live the life they want but you don't have to want the same things. In fact you are allowed to NOT like what other people like and you need to find your own healthy relationship.       It's been two months of this year and I have figured out what...

       Today is the type of day that I cant stand. the day where I contemplate life and wondering why I am here. Im in a weird mood hating everything and wondering why I think the way that I think. its a mess day. I want to cry or scream or run away. I feel weak and lost. I just want someone to give me some answers, but now that I'm an adult I know that no one really has the answers. We are all lost all the time. We all make choices and wonder why or what if. That doesn't bring me solace or peace in the loneliness.       Today is the type of day that I don't like my choices and really dig deep and overthink. I feel that all my choices have brought me nothing but the same pain. I sit and listen to sad songs so that I am reminded that I am not the only person that has had these feelings. I need to remember that everyone goes through the rough patches. I'm just wondering what I have to do to bring the good. I try everyday to eat right and be nice to ...

  After this weekend I am awake and ready to kick some ass in life. It was so nice to reconnect with all the lovely people I haven't seen in forever! I always forget how many people that I love and how many people really do love me. Feeling blessed today. I will admit that Covid has made it hard for me to see people since everyone is like either afraid or wrapped in their own world.. me included. My plan starting now is to make sure to keep my connections and see my friends more because I do love them.  I did find out that I lost a friend last week. A past coworker passed away suddenly and I think that really shook me into fear. You really don't think about how important some people are in your life until you lose them. She was a ray of light and always pleasant. She was wise and open to sharing who she was and what she has done and I will truly miss her! I just told my other friend to tell her hi and then she was gone. Remember you don't get to live forever so make sure yo...

 It's another day in my world. I gotta tell you that listening to Kygo's set from Electric Daisy Carnival has really got my ready to kick some ass. not even just that but I stopped blocking out the joy in my life and I have embraced all the good. listening to music is on that list. I am not ashamed to say that I was feeling the music so much I started crying. Does that ever happen to you.. you just feel it pulsing through your body and you cant help but cry! thats my mood today. overwhelming joy and overwhelming emotion.. all the good emotions. these headphones I got are my favorite thing I own right now. I feel human again. not just human but myself. I think I was surrounded by so much negative energy that I really notice a difference. It's nice to be my positive self again. Pretty sure that I was going crazy for a minute and grasping at anything that made me the slight bit happy. Now I can make myself feel joy and not have to run to other people or things. my path to feel...

So I haven't posted in a long while but I thought now is the time. get ready for 2022. the time is coming where the real me is now going to be shown.    I woke up this morning and really felt like myself. I got my headphones on all day and I got to jam out to all the music. I have a feeling that things are going to fall into place. I am going to take one day at a time and enjoy all the small stuff.  I want to take life for what it is and really step into myself. It's funny because TikTok has actually been something that has inspired me to be a better me. All the people on there that post things showing that I am not alone in the way I feel. I wish that it wasn't on social media but that is the day and age we are in.  I have had a weird couple of years and stressful. I decided that I want no more of that. I will stay in my shell of positivity and joy. The bubble has been set and I will not let anyone pop it.  Maybe I am better off alone since I have a tendency to...

  I finally got to attend the pride parade for the first time this year. I was so excited and the experience did not disappoint. I was surrounded by people from all over celebrating who they are and with no cares!  Bright colors and an abundant amount of glitter engulfed this safe place for everyone.  I didn't know what to expect but I knew it would be a good time. This may sound cheesy but I was almost crying (happy tears) for the unity and harmony in everyone around me. I wish everyday could be the same as that day for everyone.  I don't believe that sex or gender should play a role in what you think of people. "Love everyone always," is my famous quote and I hope that is what I am remembered by. I believe that as long as everyone has a good heart and a willing to accept people the world would be much happier.  I felt that the pride parade encompassed those feelings. I saw so much love from everyone. When I was looking around I only saw smiles!!!...

I have realized that I have been neglecting my blog for sometime because I didn't want to write about how I was feeling but tonight I have come to face my demons.  This post isn't about working out or eating healthy but I believe that to have a healthy lifestyle you need to reflect and be emotionally healthy as well. So here we go... Things I have been thinking about: My divorce My divorce has been this haunting thing that I know that I need to take care of but just have been avoiding it. I don't actually know why and I keep making excuses for myself. I think that once I get a divorce I will feel much better but I have a fear of just letting go of something. That time in my life was so different then the rest and I fear that I will never find something like that again. (It wasn't all bad, just so everyone knows) I do believe that people are put in your life for that time they are in it and that is it. It's a sad realization but it makes me feel better...