Reflections

I have realized that I have been neglecting my blog for sometime because I didn't want to write about how I was feeling but tonight I have come to face my demons. 
This post isn't about working out or eating healthy but I believe that to have a healthy lifestyle you need to reflect and be emotionally healthy as well.

So here we go...

Things I have been thinking about:

My divorce

My divorce has been this haunting thing that I know that I need to take care of but just have been avoiding it. I don't actually know why and I keep making excuses for myself. I think that once I get a divorce I will feel much better but I have a fear of just letting go of something. That time in my life was so different then the rest and I fear that I will never find something like that again. (It wasn't all bad, just so everyone knows) I do believe that people are put in your life for that time they are in it and that is it. It's a sad realization but it makes me feel better about my whole marriage. He was only in my life for the time I needed him to be and well the rest is history. I really need some help with figuring out how to move on and file because I just don't have enough strength to do it myself. 

Turning 30 years old

When I was younger I always thought that by 25 I would have my owe place and a great job and a dog. Well ladies and gentlemen that is not the case. I am almost 30 years old and my life has not gone according to any plan that I have ever had. I have lost 2 children and am now going through a divorce. I live back at home with my parents and am trying to go to school while working. I do feel like a failure at times. With that being said, I have found a lot about me this year and that I am grateful for. I am in a much healthier situation I was in for a long time. I just wish that I could figure out how to take care of myself on my own. This is a hard thing to figure out. I now have such great respect for anyone out there doing it on their own. 

Living at home

I am the oldest of 7 children in my family and most of them have moved out and started a life. I thought that I was golden. I had done the whole moving out and the whole marriage thing and was ready to start the adventure of being an adult. I wanted a family and a dog and a happy house to come home to. Well that isn't my case. I am living in a basement at my parents house and I don't know what I am doing. I feel like I am missing a secret key to life that most other people have. I promise that if someone tells me I will use the secret wisely. I just want to be in the secret society of adults!!! 




Some Positives in my life: 

School

People of the world, I never in a million years thought that I would be able to go back to school and I have done it. This is my most prized achievement and will be forever grateful that I did it. When I am in class learning something I feel empowered. That feeling can never be taken away from me and I truly believe knowledge is power. 

                 Parents

I have never been so grateful for my parents then I have been this last year and a half. They have helped me more than they know. I hope that one day I can repay them for everything. They have let me move back into the house with no questions asked and have supported "most" of my life choices throughout my life. I know I already said this but grateful for them. 

                    Siblings

Honestly these last couple of months I have felt like the youngest child in my family because my siblings have been so helpful and strong for me. I love every single one of them and it makes me smile to see how much they have grown into these wonderful humans!!! Without them I would truly be more lost than I already feel. There support and help with everything has made me realize how lucky I truly am. 

                        Friends

New and old friends in my life: you have no idea how impactful you have been. Without all of you listening to my issues and my complaints and keeping me smiling either at work or when we go has been the best. I never realized how many great people I have in my life.  I want all of you to know that you all bring some sort of sunshine into my life and I need each and every one of you!!! 

When life gives you lemons, please make some damn lemonade!!! I have tried to do this with every situation that I have been involved in. I would like to say that it is an easy task for me but sometimes it isn't. I think life is beautiful and all the emotions everyone feels makes them who they are. Without this rollercoaster of events life would be boring, right? (I would like to think so...) If you have made it this far in the entry, thank you!!! I love you and cherish every piece of you!!! 

PS. If you don't see a picture of you and me together, that just means we need to take one!

Love everyone always!