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Lost my heart...

 It's 2024 and this year doesn't seem to have the same magic that the start of the past years have had. It could be that I am getting older and the magic in the world is evaporating or the world has gone too far. Either way I need to find that magic in my life again.  Magic isn't the word. I feel like after you have been through so many things the world closes in on you. For some reason I feel it this year. I have been sitting and contemplating all my decisions and every step in my past that has brought me to this point, wondering if I did things differently would I be someone else?  Dont get me wrong I actually like who I am as a person but I dont like some of the things that I have lived through. Its hard to think that some people will never understand some of the things I had to go through, but then again I won't be able to understand some of the things that other people went through. we are all just walking around with internal pain. The world is hard and sometimes ...

Believe

 "believe in the lord Jesus and you will be saved." that sentiment is so easy to understand. I wish that more people really just did that. Opening your heart to the possibility of God's love is something that I am so blessed to have done. I know that God is watching over all of us and guiding us through this world.  In the Bible it never says that believing in God would give you the easy road or all the worldly abundance but you are a child of the most powerful. Even when you read the Bible its not all good. His believers were handed very difficult things but still persevered. I think that is the biggest misconception of the being a believer. God is not here to make your life easier. He is here to make you a better person and to learn things when you are on this Earth. He is here to guide you to the life that he has planned for you. Everyone forgets that the other side of the coin, the devil, is also working against us.  with that being said, I know that I truly love God ...

Today 8/21/23

 My new favorite quote is "The pain of discipline or the pain of regret, you choose." That has hit me hard I will forever remember that. I will always choose discipline because my biggest fear is regret. I have always been afraid of regretting things I haven't done more than anything. I am not afraid of death or anything else.  I know that when I grow older and I look back on my life I will have the experiences that I will have and the memories that I will cherish but I will try everyday to not have any regrets.  I feel like right now is a turning point in my life. My eyes are open and I feel more connected to who I am as a person more than ever. I feel disconnected from a lot of the other menial things that happen day to day.  I refuse to be another rat in the race. I want to experience the life I see for myself to the fullest.  Today I didn't have to work my 9-5 job and it was so freeing. I will find a way to get that everyday. I dont want to be controlled by ...

My Big Dream list

 My big dream list -visit all the countries that I want to visit.  -be free from the "system" -be surrounded by like minded people  -have a true love story -retire early (financial freedom) -pay off my parents debt/take care of them -own land and a custom built house, decorated the way I want.  -try all the things at least once -have grace, courage, honesty, patience BE NOT AFRAID this list may not be long but I truly believe this is life fulfillment for me. 

I promise to myself...

       I have big dreams for this life I was given. I no longer want to settle for the normal, boring life. the rat race that we all do for 67 years and then we retire just doesn't seem to be fulfilling. I have only been alive for 35 years but in those 35 years I have learned many lessons. Life was never meant to be easy or with out struggle because in those struggles you learn the lessons.       The hardest lesson that I have learned is that you are nothing without you. People can tell you anything you want to hear but when you are alone and in your thoughts the only person there is you. You are the only person with you all the time. If you dont like who you are or what you are doing then you are responsible for that change no one else. Its wonderful to have loving people around you but even then you face life on your own. that is pure strength to me. To wake up everyday and see yourself in the mirror and accept who you are and what you are doing...

"New Year, New You"

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 Things I did in 2022:  -Atlanta, Georgia  -Trivia Finals  -Blackhawks game -Girls night out  -AJR concert -Bike-a-thon -Family Cubs game  -Adam Calhoun concert -Sunflower fields -Fiddle Rock  -Jason/Becky hang out  -Cover bands w/ Candace -Brittany/Cody's Engagement Party  -Emo Night w/ Candace  -Met Joe Trohman from Fall Out Boy  -Riot Fest -Naper Settlement Halloween Night (won costume contest) -Bridgette's Birthday Party -Emily's Halloween Party  -Dad's Bday celebration at the Wilderness -New Job- Aldi  -CHRobinson's Christmas Party  -Game night w/ Becky  -New Years Celebration      Ok So I think we all need to look at back at the year before and acknowledge all the things we didn't. Its hard to remember everything but thats what photos are for. My bullet point list is above and in between all those events there are random days with friends full of laughter and smiles.  Its been a week int...

the first bite of winter...

 so its that time of the year where I start to get all in my feels. the snow is coming and the peace of the cold surrounds me. I feel like I am a different person this year. If you know me you know I have been through things that have molded me. I have faced so many fears this year and I am heading in the direction I wanted my whole life.  I cant say that every day is wonderful but there are wonderful parts of everyday. when you wake up in the morning and the first thing you see is darkness. for some this is such a negative thing but I am blesses to be able to wake up with the Sun. I get excited to see the Sun come up. I know its a start of a day that I get to see start to finish. we are past the point were the leaves have changed. those leaves are holding on to dear life not ready for change but there is no choice. The wind will blow and things will turn. Its my favorite part of the year. I always picture myself as the first leaf off the tree... ready for the adventure of the...