I promise to myself...

 

    I have big dreams for this life I was given. I no longer want to settle for the normal, boring life. the rat race that we all do for 67 years and then we retire just doesn't seem to be fulfilling. I have only been alive for 35 years but in those 35 years I have learned many lessons. Life was never meant to be easy or with out struggle because in those struggles you learn the lessons. 

    The hardest lesson that I have learned is that you are nothing without you. People can tell you anything you want to hear but when you are alone and in your thoughts the only person there is you. You are the only person with you all the time. If you dont like who you are or what you are doing then you are responsible for that change no one else. Its wonderful to have loving people around you but even then you face life on your own. that is pure strength to me. To wake up everyday and see yourself in the mirror and accept who you are and what you are doing. 

If you are not happy with what you are doing or who you are CHANGE IT! 

    I think I am in that time of my life where I know who I am and I accept. I know that I am worthy of all my BIG dreams. I am worthy of a powerful love story like no other. I am worthy of freedom in my mind and everyday life. I would rather be alone and at peace than surrounded by people that bring me no joy. 

    Dont get me wrong I have some wonderful people in my life. I just know there is more than this small vision we have of the world. I want everyone to open up there minds and really think about what they want and who they want to be. None of us are perfect and that is the beauty. We dont need to be someone we are not for someone else. We dont need to deal with the anxiety and overthink everything. We need to be surrounded by love and peace. Whatever that means for you. 

    We are all different and we all are here for a reason. The reason is not to be a slave to society and then die. No, like I said the world is full of everything and I want to see it all. I want to learn as many lessons as I can. I want love. I want all that the world has to offer. 

    I am not just talking about money and power, or even fame. None of those things matter at the end. I want to be proud of who I am when I die. I want to 100% love who I am as a person inside and out. I want to change the world, even in a small capacity. 

    I think I have always wanted these things but I lost myself for a long while. I forgot who I was and I forgot that this life has so many things to offer us all. I sit and cry because I just want to be free. I have always just wanted to be free. Think of the bird, a bird that gets to fly wherever they want and get to see the world. that free spirit that society tries to eradicate. 

    My dad told me a story not too long ago that has really stuck with me. When I was 16 years old he told me that I needed to get a job and I said that I didn't have time for a job because it gets in the way of the things I want to do. He then asked me what things I wanted to do and I said "I want to go to all the concerts." I think at that time that was me saying I want to see the world.

 This sense of freedom has always been with me. I dont want to be trapped in a place for too long. I love change and I love new things. I am afraid; dont get me wrong, but I have really never let that stop me. I truly believe that the things we are the most afraid to do are the ones worth doing the most. I hope that by the time I die I have faced all my fears. 

Even now as I am sitting on my couch I am ready to sell all my things and thats it. I am gone. I will be a ghost and just leave. I will see the world and I will be free. I will find that true love. I will meet people that will alter my life in the best way. I will slide into my grave barely holding on. I want every scrape and scar you can have. I may sound crazy but the people that know me know this to be true. 

From this moment on I am going to find a way to be free and experience the world. My promise to myself is to never stop being this way again. I promise that my dreams that I have that know one believes will come true, I will make them. This is my life and I am the only one that can make it what I want. I will no longer be a slave.