Today 8/21/23

 My new favorite quote is "The pain of discipline or the pain of regret, you choose." That has hit me hard I will forever remember that. I will always choose discipline because my biggest fear is regret. I have always been afraid of regretting things I haven't done more than anything. I am not afraid of death or anything else. 

I know that when I grow older and I look back on my life I will have the experiences that I will have and the memories that I will cherish but I will try everyday to not have any regrets. 

I feel like right now is a turning point in my life. My eyes are open and I feel more connected to who I am as a person more than ever. I feel disconnected from a lot of the other menial things that happen day to day.  I refuse to be another rat in the race. I want to experience the life I see for myself to the fullest. 

Today I didn't have to work my 9-5 job and it was so freeing. I will find a way to get that everyday. I dont want to be controlled by a big corporation or the government. I truly want freedom. These are the thoughts that rush through my head all day. I am not ashamed and I am ready for the next chapter. I truly feel as if the Lord has been preparing me for the next steps in life. I am not sure what those steps are but I have the most faith that God will lead me to the path that was meant for me. 

I saw how many people were out in the world today not working and wanted to ask all of them what they did for a living. I want to be able to be free! Not the fake freedom we have been taught our whole lives but the freedom that lets you be the person you are with no judgement from the world. I don't want to have to answer to anyone and be a certain way to make someone higher up on the pay scale more money. 

I am not going to lie, I get so frustrated when I am out in the world. I see people just doing the same things over and over again not really realizing that we are in control of ourselves. I sometimes feel like I am standing in a place and all the people are walking around so lost and blurred. I want to scream wake up every time I am out in public, I just dont think people would hear me. The world has blinded everyone and given us false lives to meet their agenda. I know that this is not the way God wanted us to live our lives. 

it breaks my heart to see all this and to really believe in what I believe and people just won't listen. I know that we all live our own lives and have to find our own path but I am just so grateful that I can see the whole picture. I feel so connected to nature and so sure of who I am. I dont want to be surrounded by the same people that I have been. I people who see what I see and can help me grow even more. I know there are people out there that are lightyears ahead of me and I want to meet those people. 

I feel alone right now because I am still in my old world. I cant wait to make the change and move even more ahead. I want to connect with like minded people and I want to learn from more educated people. I am so interested in knowing as much as I can about this place before I leave. I am so invested in freeing myself. 

I do have to admit to myself that I haven't been doing all the things that I should be doing. I am stuck on the making money online part. I know that when I know enough it will click. that is the biggest thing right now. 

I will say that I have been going to the gym at least 4 times a week and eating healthy. I have been reading and learning about health. I keep my mind as busy as I can. I have also been talking to the Lord way more. I feel like he has opened me up to see so much just by talking with him. I have never been so grateful for that. 

I want to be clear that I am not doing all this to be a rich jerk.... no I am doing this to be a better version of myself and help the people that I truly love and the people who truly deserve it. I am not saying I am better than anyone because there is always someone better than you out there. I am saying that I want the best life that I see for me. that is all. 

I hope that one day we all can live the lives that we dream about. I am a form believer in dreaming big and pushing yourself to those big dreams, whatever they are. My friend has a husband who always wanted to be a pilot and she pushed him to follow his dreams. we never said it was easy to do but he is doing it. I know that once he accomplishes that dream he will be so happy. I cant wait! that has given me the motivation to really open my mind to what my dreams are. I would always recommend writing them down and keeping them in a spot you see everyday as a reminder. I have them on my desk so I am reminded everyday of what I am doing these things for you. You never want to forget. You never want the world to push you so far away from yourself that you lose who you are. 

Just remember we are all on this Earth for a short time and time is something you can never get back. You can always make more money!